This Is My Confession

Saya dah tak mahu suka orang dah. Saya tak suka siapa siapa pun. Sebab bila saya suka. Saya suka sangat-sangat. Bila saya suka sangat-sangat. Orang tak suka saya. Saya jadi sedih. Saya mulai menyebut nama dia hari-hari. Kawan kawan saya mula rasa menyampah. Kawan-kawan mula marah pada saya. Kawan-kawan kata saya angau. Ye, saya angau bila saya suka sangat-sangat. Saya rasa nak mati bila dia tak suka saya. Saya susah nak puas hati. Saya sangat cerewet.

Tapi bila saya suka. Saya nak rebut sebab saya nak. Saya nak dia sangat-sangat. Jarang saya jadi begini. Selalunya saya akan berfalsafah. Tapi bila tiba masa saya. Saya jadi tak keruan. Bila dia tak suka saya. Walaupun baru 2 hari. Saya rasa macam nak gila.

Oleh itu saya tak mahu suka siapa-siapa. Saya tak nak suka dia lagi. Saya dah puas kejar. Tapi dia tidak membalas. Saya nak kembali ke jalan yang benar. Saya nak --

Dude Herlino!!  ♥

When Revenge Doesn't Suit Me Well

"It's ironic that the people who are supposed to be our friends, are the ones we feel most threaten by".

I guess it's true.

There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old tired, walls of insincerity, shifiting eyes and vancancy that never vanished. Sad isn't it?

But it's even more sad when there's still some people out there who don't really get it, I mean, DON'T EVEN GET IT AT ALL, started to act like Mr. Knows-It-All. Must be sucks being you ayy?

Your fucking propagandas will take you nowhere Bitch. Acting like a girl, weak and useless.

You took away my joys. You steal away my laughters. You give me tears. You broke my heart. The pain was beating on me like a drum. You underestimated, just who you were stealing from. --


You play with fire.

Keep on digging. Make it deep enough. Because the horses are coming in, my way. Mark my word.

But it's even more, more, sad when no matter how hard you stabbed me. Or how many times you crushed me. How hard I try to hate you.

I'm still the same old Illy.

I can't hate. Not even close. Not even a bit. Not even at all.

And I hate myself for that.

They Are My Treasure (:

Not Ready to Make Nice

I'm through with doubt. There's nothing left for me to figure out. I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.

I know you said-- "Can't you just get over it?" It turned my whole world around, and I kinda like it. I made my bed and I sleep like a baby, with no regrets and I don't mind saying. It's a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger. And how in the world can the words that I said send somebody so over the edge. That they'd write me a letter saying that I better shut up and sing or my life will be over.

I'm not ready to make nice. I'm not ready to back down. I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round. It's too late to make it right. I probably wouldn't if I could. Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should.

Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could.

They say time heals everything.

But I'm still waiting.

It's Been Awhile ((:

Mind Escapades: Part II

Sunday morning.

Nothing much I can see here in Kuala Perlis. It's the same. Just like 10 years ago. Nothings changed. Just too much of traffic lights. Sangat annoying. Grr

Same goes to Langkawi-- only this time we stayed in different appartment and we went for go-cart. But the rest, were all the same. We went to the same beach, riding the same jetski, and shop at the same shops. Whatever it is, I got all sunburned! Sakit!! Beaching in the afternoon? I call, Genius!!

Heading back to Aloq Setaq. Staying over for one night. Alot happened. From gali kubur, to visit another A'eei. We got lost searching for her house, so we stopped at this one Masjid and ask this one old man. "Sat na..," this old man went to this one Waja who was driving out from the Masjid. The old man came back, "hang pi sini, pastu kona tang sana, pastu teruuuih lepaih skolah cina tu, blablabla..," So, we pun buat lah U-turn and guess what? Got one man trying to stop our car. Pakcik Waja tadi tunggu tepi jalan semata-mata nak cakap direction!

Hang cuba habaq mai kat cheq mana lagi tempat kat Malaysia hang nak jumpa orang-orang laguni? Hebatnya orang-orang Aloq Setaq ni.

This another A'iee also kepochi onesss. And once again, they speak Hokkien sepatah haram aku tak faham. That's her, on the top-- my grandma's another little sister with her husband and their daughter. The husband is so cute cute one always smiling and his eyes were so sepet makes my heart goes crazyy!! Haha!!

I was born here, but 19years ago the name was 'Pusat Pakar Utara' before they changed it into Kedah Medical Centre. Teeeeheeheeeee :D

And been raised here before I reach two and moved to Seremban back then in 1993.

They were lots of places that I wanted to share but yeah-- Panjang sangat tak habis nak taip nanti. Haha. The next day, we went to the Pearl Island-- Penang. Cari Jeruk punya pasal. Oh Oh and after 10 years-- finally, I had the chance to meet you Husna Una Banana!! Weeeeee!! Cerita tak habih habih lain kali jumpa lagi na!! :D

Then we continued our journey searching for Jeruk Pak Ali. At first we got lost and stopped by at this one Petronas. Turned out got this one man tengah isi minyak motor beliau, offering himself to show the way to Pak Ali's. But Abah refused to accept his help, sebab I was busy in the toilet :P So the man went away lah. Later, off we go-- searching for Kedai Jeruk Pak Ali, but again, we got lost, and suddenly, the man came-- macam tau tau je. After main main lampu, we followed him and at last, here we are-- Kedai Jeruk Pak Ali!! Abah hulur some money to him to thank him but he refused to take it and went away. Tak sempat nak kejar. Allahu'alam. Semoga Allah membalas budi beliau.

This old Pak Ali man might give a not-so-impressive first impression. But hey, don't judge a book by it's cover. This man is a superly amazing businessman, I shall say. It's too complicated to describe how briliant this old man is. But take this for reminder, be humble and berisi inside (: another door for success, and for having good people around you.

Because sometimes-- or I shall say, most of the time,

People might love you because what you are,

NOT because who you really are.

And that's huge.

Mind Escapades: Part I

It was Saturday morning on November 27, slowly heading to Perlis. But before that, we stopped by in Masjid Tanjung Pauh, Kubang Pasu to visit my dear sweetheart. Sesungguhnya, ketika tiba di tanah perkuburan, kami berjalan ke kubur miliknya Fazlin Aisyah. Setibanya kami di sisi kuburnya, kami menadah tangan dan membaca doa buatnya.

"Ha, Alif, Jim, Ya. Abah, kenapa nama dia Haji .., "
"MasyaAllah!! Silap orang!!"

Hantu punye saudara. Haha!

Later we headed to my grandparents' somewhere in Perlis. Seems like they both in a good condition.

Along the way, I discovered something!

"Cek ada pantun!" :P
-- Pantun apa?
Pantun dua kerat.
-- Apa dia?
Biawak pakai kot, Hang lawak koooot.
-- &%$#@!!!"
Ada satu lae.
-- Apa dia?
Aloq Setaq, Sungai Petani. Tketaq-ketaq nak bini!

After had our bargain in Padang Besar, we headed to Kangar-- To meet A'eei! (Aunty) Her name is Ah Kam. Basically, she's my grandma's little sister. She was such a kepochi-- Just like my late grandma. Kalau ketawa, satu taman boleh dengar. Same goes to the rest of the family. Terbalik rumah dibuatnya!

"Hari tu banjir mai, habih tenggelam rumah. Kena pindah tang rumah Chi Chi duk tingkat ataih. Banjir takat ni. Barang habih tenggelam. Cek biaq suma tak sempat nak bawak apa air naik kejap ja!"
"Ni akuarium awat kosong ni?"
"Lepas air surut cek mai tengok habih ikan pun hilang berenang kluaq"
"Pulak dah!"

Then, they continued in Hokkien. Memang aku tak faham lah. Only when they were talking about Uncle Bad, ada lah faham sikit sikit. Then, they mixed it with Siamese. Lagi lah!!

One thing I retrieved from today's observation-- Respect others. While Ah Keong (in green) was telling us how the flood came and all, he showed us the level the water was-- his hand was not really showed the real height because his hand was a bit lower than Abah's head. It means, he respects other people by not raising his hand above other people's heads. Never really thought of that before. Well, today-- I just did (:

And this is what we called, manners.